My worry is not my problem....my problem is my worries

Luckily, also, I am attacking this from a position of advantage: I have youth, a stable job, a loving, supportive wife and beautiful children, a great home, a nice community, and great job. It is easier when the reality I have been hiding from is a good one – nay, a great one, thank God. The emotions I have been suppressing are those of love, joy, happiness, accomplishment and fulfillment. My lack of ego and self-confidence told me that I don’t deserve to feel the sense of fulfillment that comes with all that I’ve achieved in my personal and business life, my false beliefs about  worry told me that I should worry about losing it all instead of enjoying the present, and my subconscious has been doing what it was conditioned to do: to suppress the feelings of joy and gratitude and sense of self-accomplishment and self-fulfillment that I deserve to feel after everything I’ve worked so hard for and achieved.

Fortunately, I am not confronting any real reason for anxiety. I am confronting anxiety itself. The triggers are simply things that the anxiety attaches itself to. It is easier to confront anxiety itself when there are no true underlying reasons for the anxiety, nor any other conditions such as agoraphobia, addiction or dependence. It is simply anxiety itself that my subconscious feels is healthy and will learn that it is not.

But my subconscious can and will be retrained and reconditioned. It will learn that worry is not a helpful or useful tool. It will learn that emotions are healthy and that accessing and expressing them are okay. It will learn that I am worthy of enjoying and giving myself credit for the life I’ve worked so hard to create. It will no longer hide behind the veil of anxiety. A new, self-confident, happy and emotionally healthy me will emerge. In fact, it has already begun to emerge and I’ve already seen glimpses of the new me. But each new step comes with setbacks, and it is important to not be discouraged. Remember: The brain was not born or created with the faulty belief system it has now. It was conditioned that way. And a brain’s conditioning can be changed. And I have all of the tools for that change.

Let the journey to allowing me to be happy as the person I am and to enjoy the life I’ve created continue. I know that I will be upset by how long it takes and how difficult the journey will be, but I also know that I will be pleasantly surprised by how long it doesn’t take.

Oh, and here’s the first pat on the back: now, and when it’s all said and done, you know who did all the work to get to where I am and to where I will be? That’s right, it was me. That’s because all of the support and tools in the world cannot do the work for me. Only I can do it on my own. Each worry confronted, each infusion of self-confidence, each emotion accessed and expressed, is another step, regardless of how small, toward reconditioning the subconscious to see and appreciate the reality of life. It was not a pill or a therapist who did it for me. It was me. And I owe myself the credit for embarking on the journey and for remaining committed. And it will only be me who will have a happier, more confident and more fulfilled life when the mission is accomplished.