Physiological responses, such as the immune response, are things the brain is born with and cannot be changed, but can only be suppressed. However, when it comes to learned behaviors and beliefs, it is an entirely different story. The brain is not born with pre-existing beliefs about life. It is like a blank whiteboard or computer chip that slowly absorbs the information it is provided with, and incorporates that information into its response system to life experiences. Using the beliefs instilled throughout a child’s upbringing as well as other external, beliefs and behaviors learned throughout a person’s growth and development, the brain then begins to automatically react to events based on the way it was taught to.
And the key word is taught. The same versatile brain that adapted using the originally instilled information does not lose its versatility and ability to relearn information later in life and to be retrained to respond differently to life’s ups and downs. Since it was learned and not inborn, information can be relearned and the brain retrained. The saying that you can’t teach an old horse new tricks holds some truth but is not contradictory to the brain’s ability to be retrained. You see, there are times that the brain is so trained in one way of thinking that it loses the ability to see itself objectively. The learned behavior becomes so ingrained and intertwined with the brain’s way of thinking that the person can no longer see or ever understand that the behavior is unhealthy or unhelpful. When a therapist attempts to reach the individual with the behavior or cognition that is so conditioned into the brain, the individual is defensive because it is having trouble recognizing that what the therapist is saying is true. It believes what it believes so deeply, that anything to the contrary is seen as untrue.
However, there is one important factor that all people who respond to therapy or cognitive-behavioral therapy have in common: The ability to see themselves and their brain’s learned behavior’s objectively. They consciously recognize that their subconscious is reacting to events in an unhealthy way and they are unhappy with the reaction.
However, there are three additional factors necessary to actually change the way the brain is conditioned. The first is that they want to change the unhealthy behavior; the second is that they have the correct tools necessary to change that behavior. The third, and possibly the most crucial and challenging factor, is that the person themselves need to actually to the work and exercises necessary to implement the change and retrain their own brain. No self-help book, therapist or medication will ever effect the actual change necessary to essentially reprogram a brain that has been conditioned over many formative years. It is only the individuals themselves who need to actively look at things differently, understand reality, accept that their belief systems were wrong, and constantly drill the correct information into the brain until the subconscious catches on to the new belief system and takes over by using the new belief system to automatically react to events based on the newly-instilled perspectives of reality. This process can be frightening because it involves first and foremost exposure to the triggers. Those episodes of exposure will trigger the unhealthy reaction, thereby allowing the person to have the opportunity to then address the unhealthy reaction, confront the inaccurate belief system, and replace it with a healthy and realistic perspective. Since the human being is conditioned to engage in avoidance when it comes to unpleasant circumstances, it is natural that the person will try to avoid exposure. Additionally, the exposure will, at first, result in the unpleasant and unhealthy reaction and can lead to discouragement. But it’s important to understand that what took decades to instill can take time to modify. Fortunately, however, the brain is so versatile and adaptable that what took years of passive conditioning can be modified in only months of active retraining and reconditioning. But because we are a society that expects instant results, six months can feel like forever, and each new episode after a brief hiatus can lead the person to feel as if the therapy isn’t working. In fact, the longer the hiatus between episodes, the more discouraging the next episode will seem, because the person got the false hope that they were cured and that their anxiety or other learned behavior was now a thing of the past. For that reason, commitment and consistency are of utmost importance, and desperation or false expectations can lead to unrealistic hopes and discouragement.
They key thing to remember is: It won’t take as short as you hope it will, but it won’t take as long as you are afraid it might. Change – or real, permanent change – does not happen overnight, so it is important to take time – both the time needed for change to take place, and the effects of the passage of time – into consideration.
Now, if I were afraid of dogs due to some cognitive conditioning during my formative years, say, as a result of having been bitten by a dog as a young child – then I guess it wouldn’t be that bad if I simply avoided dogs for the rest of my life. Avoiding dogs would enable me to avoid the trigger, and thus the unpleasant automated reaction. But luckily for me, my anxiety is not limited to a specific circumstance of situation that I can simply choose to avoid. I say luckily, although it would seem to be the exact opposite, because it is my nature to always want to improve my outlook, perspectives, and my life in general, wherever possible. That being so, I am forced to confront the source of my anxiety head on, because there is nowhere to run from it. By being forced to confront it, having the correct tools to confront it, and having the will, patience, commitment and ability to see myself objectively, all of which are required in order to effect the necessary change, I know that I will ultimately recondition my brain to see things as they are – rationally and realistically – and I will also develop the empowerment, self-sufficiency, individuality and ego that I did not receive while growing up. I will also learn the important life skill of being able to get in touch with my emotions and express my feelings without fear. At times the emotion will be fear or anger and at times it will be joy, love or happiness. But, for better or for worse, life is a mix of good and bad, joy and tragedy, and the healthiest way to navigate life is to know how you feel about each event and to access and express that emotion instead of suppressing it. Accessing and expressing the emotion of love will result in reciprocal love, and accessing fear and anger will help resolve their triggers as opposed to keeping it all inside the head.
Emotions are a healthy and necessary part of life, and accepting reality means accepting that they will not always be pleasant, and being willing to access them at all times, for better or for worse. It is this change that will lead to a healthy being with healthy, although sometimes unpleasant, feelings and reactions to life. It is also what will lead to self-fulfillment, joy, happiness and independence.
At the end of the day, when the lights go out and the music stops, all that’s left is me and my thoughts, and I am determined to learn to be happy with me, because the one thing that is constant in my life, irrespective of any external goings-on, is me.
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