The Diving Board Effect

And, guess what? That very instability can also be the very momentum one needs in order to progress further than they otherwise would. Take for example a diver. If a person dives off of a solid plank they will just land in the water with a plop. No big deal. But when one stands on an unstable, floppy, bouncy surface and dives from that – i.e. today’s diving boards – then that person can dive harder, faster, more majestically, and make more maneuvers than the one who simply jumped off of a stable surface.

So now we’ve agreed to be mentally prepared for the truth and reality, we exposed the two false beliefs and we began to challenge them. Now we will meditate further on them, internalize them, and then continue to claw away at the false beliefs, challenge them further, replace them with truth and reality – which is mostly good – automatically resolving the anxiety caused by the false beliefs, which in turn will resolve the physiological, sometimes painful, symptoms of anxiety, and will enable me to proceed, advance and progress in life, and feel more happy and fulfilled in my life.

Remember though that the symptoms go after the anxiety, so patience and not allowing the symptoms to spiral into an anxiety loop are extremely imperative. I am well on our way for day 1. Great work!!

Debunking two fundamental false beliefs (Warning: God mentioned)

Before doing so, a reminder: worrying about what could or might be is not helpful, so it is important that all focus goes on what is and is geared toward problem solving, not worry!

The following are the two false beliefs that I discovered I hold onto and will begin and continue to challenge and change. But before that, I must premise with the fact that breaking out of anxiety means accepting reality. And accepting reality means just that – accepting the facts and the truths which although they are usually average or exceptionally good, can also be negative. Usually the negative is not too bad, but at times it can be. The alternative to accepting that reality is anxiety, which keeps you in your head. Breaking out of it means seeing things as they really are – for better or for worse it hurts, but that’s just how it has to be; the alternative is to live in a bubble of anxiety, afraid of reality, and trying to worry away the truth. But as we know by now, that is not helpful or realistic, and is even more distressing than the truth. Knowing that the truth and reality is better than anxiety, we can proceed. The process will include triumph and joy, and occasional inconvenient truths. But most of life is mostly good most of the time, so it’s not that bad for the most part. But at least it’s the truth. And as a bonus, acknowledging the truth and getting away from anxiety will automatically help relieve the symptoms of anxiety which at the end of the day are the root of most if not all of my problems. With that premise internalized and seen as the positive thing they are, here are the false beliefs that we will not address and challenge, and as a result, live a more realistic, content life, and be able to progress from here:

False belief number one is:

The default of life is perfection and evenness, and, thus, the goal of life is to either ruin it by making bad choices, or to improve it by making positive, helpful choices.

A good example of the false belief is health-related. According to the false belief, everyone should be born and live more or less healthy, unless, G-d forbid, someone is inflicted with the rare serious illness. Health would start to deteriorate gradually with age, but there are medications and treatments that could help manage, control, treat and cure the various health conditions that come up. If a person makes bad choices such as to abuse drugs or alcohol, eat unhealthy foods, or have an unhealthy lifestyle, then they are putting themselves at risk of being unhealthy. And if a person wants to be more healthy than average, then they would have to make exceptionally good choices which include eating extremely healthfully, exercising often, and taking good care of themselves.

Other such examples would include financial stability and emotional happiness.

The fact is:

That the default is whatever G-d gives a person throughout their lives which can change at any time and is never guaranteed. The choices people make can help ensure that they did whatever they could to have the best shot at a healthy, financially stable live, but it is no guarantee. Eating healthy, not smoking or abusing alcohol or drugs are what the person can control as far as health is concerned, and that’s the best we can do. The rest is in G-d’s hands, and we are thankful each day for what He grants us, we pray for the improvement of what is not perfect in our eyes, and we hope and pray that what is good continues to be good and only gets better.

False belief number two is:

One can only progress and advance from a point of stability and perfection. In other words, in order to proceed in life and advance, one must first ensure that their life as it is perfect, that there are no outstanding issues that need to be resolved, and that everything is stable. Like when climbing a mountain, the climber first needs to ensure that they have a stable foothold before proceeding to take the next step.

The fact is:

There is no such thing as stability and perfection in life. There is always a challenge that needs to be addressed, always room for improvement, and always something that could be better than it is. That’s life. We are put on earth to take an imperfect world and make it more perfect than when we got here; we are made imperfectly with the goal to take the best care we can of our bodies and souls; we do our best to raise our children; we make the wisest investment and business decisions we can. But the results are in G-d’s hands. We do our best with what we have and we pray that G-d bless our work and make it successful. That’s the best we can do as human beings, and that’s what we are expected to do.

And since things will never reach a state of absolute perfection so long as we are flawed human beings living in an imperfect world and in exile, we can only hope to do our best, but we must continue to try and grow and improve all the time without waiting for that magical point of perfection and stability from which to proceed and advance. That’s because there isn’t any. This world and our lives are a work in progress at all times. If we wait for that stability we will remain stuck for eternity because that point will never come.

Finding healthy, non-physiological outlets for anxious energy

That said, where I stand now, is that all of that self-work has brought things to a point of stability, a jumping off point from where I now need to grow and progress as a person, as a man, as a 30-year-old, as a husband, as a father, as an employee, and as an employer. But once the drowning person gets out of the quicksand, the motivation to go any further than the dry beach can wear off, because the relief of no longer being sucked into the eternal abyss of darkness sucks the motivation to advance right out of you.

But fortunately (and, debatably, unfortunately), my mind is on a roll now, and is not content with standing still. My worst nights were the last few in which I had no anxiety or thoughts to address. And at just about the same time, my jaw tension returned with a vengeance, and some symptoms of anxiety have come as well. Which is what I was getting at earlier: my body senses anxiety before my conscious mind is aware of it. That’s because the nerves react to the subconscious brain even before the conscious brain knows what is happening. So for me, the key is to see past it all and look for the message that my body is giving me: that I have unresolved anxiety, frustration, and other strong emotions that are causing my nerves to react, which are causing my muscles to hold tension and stress, and which are causing me to clench my jaw in my sleep – the exact time of day that only the subconscious brain is in control. So it’s obvious that my subconscious is feeling some anxiety and is causing reactions to it – and instead of becoming anxious about those symptoms or running to doctors to treat the very symptoms of anxiety – I am listening to my brain and to my body and looking for the anxiety and strong feelings that it is holding and trying to address them.

But just like with the major anxiety disorder that I have recovered from, there is no quick fix, and the underlying anxiety has to go before the symptoms. Since the anxiety needs to go first, it is imperative that the vicious cycle resulting from allowing the symptoms of anxiety, as emotionally or physically painful as they may be at times, from resulting in their own anxiety. I will and am beginning to identify, target, uncover and address the anxiety my brain is holding so that I will have more restful sleep, more relaxed muscles, calm nerves, and a more positive and progressive view of myself and my life. And, as always, it is a slow and gradual process, and it is important to stay the course.

Importantly, I will also be working on encouraging my subconscious that even when there is some level of stress and anxiety, there is no need for the intensity that it displays in the form of holding tension in my body, muscle spams, etc. There are ways to deal with things, and the instinct should not be physiological effects in the form of pain, tension, discomfort, etc.

So the journey onward and upward starts now. I have identified two beliefs that I hold onto that color my life and my outlook, and I will begin the process of challenging and disproving those beliefs, and then changing them. Changing the cognition will, as proven, modify the resulting behaviors, both physical and emotional, and will thus result in a happier, more quality-filled life. Here goes!