It’s a dreary, rainy Thursday, but I feel like I’m holding up pretty well. Staying positive and keeping worry and anxiety at bay. Then in comes a co-worker who is herself an anxiety ball. She proceeds to tell me about 2 people close to her who have serious illnesses and about the parent of a child she is servicing who has mental illness. I am about to spiral into an anxiety attack. But then I remind myself that:
• Between the time that she told me what she did and the present moment, nothing has changed for me so there is no reason for anxiety.
• What I can’t control is what she told me and the tragic circumstances the people she was talking about find themselves in, but what I can control is how that information affects me.
• Although she told me about three tragic situations, what she did not tell me was about the hundreds of non-tragic situations that she encountered within the same time period – the number of people who were healthy and sane and enjoying happy, healthy, successful lives. Unfortunately, it is only the relative few tragedies that are news while the countless non-tragedies are taken for granted and fall by the wayside. For every person suffering there are countless who are not, or whose suffering is relatively minimal. And within those people, there are countless unrecognized blessings that occur every single second of every day: each breath is a miracle, each time a person is able to use the bathroom is a miracle. When you stop for a second to think about the processes that take place from the moment a person takes a drink until the person urinates, it would be apparent that is a miracle each time a person urinates naturally and painlessly. The same goes for breath, digestion, and even the passive functions like a liver, pancreas, kidneys, etc. all operating painlessly and seamlessly with balance, harmony and perfection.
So instead of focusing on the few tragedies, I choose to focus on the countless blessings and the miracles I experience every moment that my body is functioning well and that my wife and children are healthy.
Having had the negative outlook on life that I am currently working and making progress on, I once asked the receptionist at my children’s pediatrician’s office how she was able to work there given the constant stream of tragic diagnoses and terrible stories that she must come across while working there. She answered that in all of her years working there most children have nothing more serious, than colds, the flu, strep, or other basic infections or viruses, and that anything more serious is rare and far between.
A negative outlook on life is a result of the overmagnification of the bad things in life and the minimalization of the good things. Of course this is an inaccurate outlook because it hyperfocuses on the relatively insignificant negative in the world and in life in general and practically ignores the abundant good.
A more accurate and realistic outlook would involve seeing things as they actually are and keeping things in perspective: Most people and most things in life are mostly good or excellent most or all of the time. Sure, there are bad things in life, but it is rare, and when it does occur it is usually minor or treatable or manageable. And the extremely significant problems are even more rare and in many cases are inapplicable since they are not genetically likely, I do not smoke, I am of a healthy weight, and I do not abuse drugs or alcohol. Past that, it’s all in God’s hands. Sure there will be aches, pains and discomforts from time to time, but that’s part of being human. They are usually a result of anxiety, lack of sleep, bad diet etc.
So the key is to look at the good that’s happening at every moment, keep the bad news in perspective to all the untold miracles, see any aches and pains for what they are and be thankful they are not more serious or indicative of any serious underlying condition, and take whatever steps I can to try to alleviate even those.
Also, again, let’s look at patterns: Anything I’ve heard or am experiencing now are things that I’ve already heard before or experienced in the past, and what happened?? Nothing! Again and again, I’ve experienced this and that, read about this and that, or heard about this and that bad thing…spiraled into anxiety…thought this and that negative thought….but based on the consistent pattern, what ended up happening? Nothing. The condition resolved itself. Or just nothing happened to me based on it. Or even the person who the bad news was about is okay now themselves. So looking at patterns, there is no reason to have any anxious reaction to anything negative, knowing for a proven fact that what I read or heard about is in no way associated with me, is rare in the big picture, and anxiety is unhelpful anyway and is just circular and prevents me from seeing what is happening that is good in my life: no serious illnesses, no major debilitating pains, my wife and children are healthy and happy, etc., not to mention the moment-by-moment miracles that come with every breath and every moment without pain or discomfort and in which all internal organs are working seamlessly. I choose to see things for what they are and realistically: bad news is just that – bad news – nothing happened or is more likely to happen to me personally because I heard or read about something bad. Whatever I do feel that is painful or bad is already established as not being serious and history has shown it will resolve itself with time and subsiding of anxiety, and there are countless people who are healthy and happy at every moment and whose problems are minor in the big picture, and there are miracles each moment – including this one, as I type, my fingers are working well, my wrists and fingers are pain-free, my entire body is generally pain free, I can walk, talk, see , smell, taste, touch, digest, purify toxins, fight infection and illness, and the list goes on and on. Again, it comes down to one simple thing: not imagination or pretend, rather seeing things AS THEY REALLY ARE! Being present and aware of what is going on and enjoying it. And when something bad does happen, seeing it for what it is: rare and not associated with me as an independent person, and that hearing about it does not increase the likelihood of it happening to me, and that most things, even painful, are not serious or anxiety-worthy – in fact, decreasing anxiety levels is what will most likely help.
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